Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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