Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
