the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
there was a trapeze. enough said
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
