Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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