one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
