i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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