Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
