Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
