I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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