I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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