you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
