Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So squirting runs in the family.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
