My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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