i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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