A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
