She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
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eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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