my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
