my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
