Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
