you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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