Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Text me some of your sweat
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