dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
