whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
