Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
