Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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