dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
