I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
