Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Houston, we have a blender
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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