Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We need to get me chipped asap
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize