And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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