The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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