Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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