I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
