He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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