he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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