Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
