If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
