Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
