...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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