so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize