All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
