You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
