ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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