did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
