Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
