I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
