census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
