My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
