I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
