While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
