i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it glows. i had to have it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
