How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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