I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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