I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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