I looked at my own cervix.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
