It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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