ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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