He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
