maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
