she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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