Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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