I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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