woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
