At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
