is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
