yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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