i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
