I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
