I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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