my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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